I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
