Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize