Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
