the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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