Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
