my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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