I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
