I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
