I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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