When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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