Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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