hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
