I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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