I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
