I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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