she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
