Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
