can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
