I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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