Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
