the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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