dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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