New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
