Sry I called you an 8
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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