What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
