so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
