Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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