You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
