i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
