No awkward lesbian experiences without me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
