so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
