Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
