Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
