I hate your face
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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