I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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