A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
