this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize