you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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