I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
