Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
