i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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