cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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