Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize