when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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