Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
