Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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