I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
