i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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