Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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