i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
they need to just BURY HIM!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
