But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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