Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize