I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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