Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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