Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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