Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
