If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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