i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm too high and old for this...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
