Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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