Porn is love you can see.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
