just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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