Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
