I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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