So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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