He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
