I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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