He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize