Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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