girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
