You made me cry and you don't even care
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Green mimosas i think yes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
