do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
