I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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